em0xskater

You can't live to make mistakes
When you're dead and gone
With your heart held in my hand
The memory of your bloodstains
All over broken picture frames

How could you tell me that I was wrong?
When you would have done the same
Toy with emotions until they're gone
You would have done the same

I stole your heart
Ripped it out
And smashed it on this floor
You have no need for such a useless thing
Broken, forever more

Life after this
There's no such thing
You replace my thoughts
With these painful memories
Now you're gone
You're 9 feet under
To far down to ever uncover

Leave it all to me
I wont forget about you
I'll steal your heart



i think thats pretty self explainatory

its 3:37 am and yet again im still up. i dunno whats wrong with me lately but i cant go to bed early anymore, i just lay in my bed and think about things all night. i really dont have anyone anymore except for a slight few. my best friend of 15 years and i are drifting apart and its a huge thing to deal with cause no one knows me better than he does, but nothing lasts forever, i should of expected it. and ive come to realize how misleading love can be sometimes....i thought i found someone that i could really connect to on a different level, but most of the time its just me doing the connecting. its just like, nothing i do or say is good enough, or its always too much, nothing is ever normal for her, and she knows that. i cant make a person change, ive noticed changing a person is nearly impossible. i want to know what i have to do to make myself a better person for everyone, theres always someone thats not happy with me, im not happy unless the people around me in my life are happy. and maybe its just me being lame, but when i love someone there is a fine line between flat out saying "i love you" and saying "love you" it sounds so fucking petty but for some reason it hurts a lot when i hear that from her, if she can take the time to say love you...why cant she just add in the i?

i just want to be good enough for her, and everyone else...cause who iam right now isnt sastifying anyone but myself...and it makes me selfish :-\

this is a bit of a emo entry, so if you dont feel like reading something emo then i advise you to close out now. i always told myself that i wasnt gonna post my personal issues online on some journal site but right now, it seems like its the only way i can get things out without having someone get mad at me. i guess i function differently than most people, my pain just doesnt go away with the snap of fingers, it stays and it elevates the longer it stays. it seems like i'm always the person that people run to when they need something, and i help them out the best i can. but when i need someone, truly need someone.......no one is there to just listen. and listening means stictly that, just listen. dont butt in and tell me your opinion or what you would do, i just want someone to listen to me.......sometimes that cures a lot of pain. it seems like the only time i'm not hurting is when i'm sleeping....or hanging out with my friends. and maybe im pushing people away, if iam, i'm sorry.....thats not what i want to do. but i cant concentrate on someone eles hurt and pain when i don't even understand mine. maybe mine comes from every aspect of life...school, friends, my girlfriend, my family, work, money.......i dont know, and its so hard to figure out. and i'm expected to just open up, and i honestly cant, i have no words to describe how i'm feeling and if i don't understand it, i wont be able to open up. the only thing i find relation in is music. i would seriously be laying dead in a gutter somewhere if it wasnt for music, bc i know no matter what happens in life, thats the one consistant thing that will always be there to make things seem ok. i think i need to take a weekend off, go somewhere, and spend quality time with myself.......to figure myself out, find out why i'm always hurting, what i can do to get rid of it. but i know if i just take off...everyone will be mad at me, so i'll stay here and try to figure things out this way.



The crimes I've committed aren't heard by any judge
And there are only two in this courtroom and I must confess.
What's done is done and I'm not the type that can't be conned into being convinced.
We both know this.

I should be ashamed of this, I'm not,
'Cause I have tasted grapes
This smile, don't look
It's my bait, my words, the hook


These acts of immorality are the only things keeping me quiet
Why can't you just accept the fact that I'm only as loyal as my options?
I can't believe that you would ever trust me.


You could call me a rolling stone
'cause I'm always on the road
Every night I wonder if you're there alone.



pretty much perfect explanation. have a good day, i'm out

the first thing i wrote about you
was in the peak of our friendship
and now the last thing im writing about you
is at the end of our friendship
its amazing the different routes life has in store for us
i shared with you, i laughed with you, i cried with you
the only friend that showed me loyalty and trust
i threw it all away with a lie
if you could only know how deep my apologies go
if you knew that in the short time we knew each other
i felt like you were one of my best friends
all the times i shared with you
i had never shared with anyone else
the times i laughed with you
i realized there was a bigger dork out there other than myself
and the times i cried with you
the comfort was more than i ever recieved from a friend
i hope one day you can find the strength to forgive me
and if that never happens, thats ok
i will always be here for you in time of need

*you know who you are

im on a mini break from class and i'm bored so i decided id update this bitch, haha. nothing really is going on, today is joes birthday...we were supposed to go out to eat tonight but now i have no idea whats going on. i got him breaking benjamins first cd and then sometime later i have to go get his other present. i cant say what it is now bc i know he read my entries and that would just spoil it, haha. yeah i miss meagan lots right now, and i look way emo today...but thats alright. i have on my new black pants that my mom bought me, a black NFG shirt (meg hates them haha) my black the used zip up hoodie with the hood up, and my black converse with the bottoms of my pants rolled up bc their too damn long, so i look really trendy right now, but i'm hot! haha



Who is it tonight, Doctor Jekyll or Mr. Hyde?

The bookshelf spins,
when I pull the Websters from the third row,
second from the right,
and this is where the chemicals grow,
this is where reactions flow,
the dictionary chemical cookbook was meant to hook you into me.

Would you please take off your lab coat, kiss me as we roll through every chemical.
Would you please put on your dance shoes? 'Cause I'm sick of dancin' alone

Two hints lust, then I mix some charm with a dash of wits.
Add some good looks and then, close the door and dim the lights.
(This will finally be the night)
where the dictionary chemical cookbook will finally hook you into me

Stolen everything you worked for,
love was lost but better to remember,
left side, left side suicide
Please take off your lab coat and kiss me as we roll,
please put on your dance shoes and join me in this waltz.


That is my song for the day, everyone should go and download it. "Dance halls turn to ghost towns" by The Audition.

I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND!

I never meant for this to happen
I never wanted you to hate me
But the sun slowly fades away
The darkness covers me, a chill goes through my body
The weather isn't supposed to be this way
It's not supposed to make me cold
But then I realize it's not the weather
And I'm just a colder person without you

There are sides of me you never saw
The sides of me that I never saw
Why cant I erase the past
The past that has left me scared
Moving on is something I could never do
Letting go is something I always did
And walking away is a normal occurance

So if you really want me
Then please listen to me when I say
Overcoming the way of one lifestyle
And adapting to a new life style
Is more of a transition than you will ever know
But for you, I am making that transition for the first time
Please don't make this my last mistake


- written by me, its not good but the words just kind of flowed out and i didnt have time to go back and read everything over

It's 8:40 and i'm bored off my ass. i just got done emailing meg and now im sitting here doing nothing but writing in here and listening to Acceptance. i had to work today 7:30-4, blah, it was a long day and tomorrow is going to be a even longer day...sundays are always slow.

It seems that lately I can never do anything good enough, and the things I do, can always be done better :-\ I don't know....maybe I just need to change to make everyone happy...and not worry about making myself happy. im not getting any sleep at night for whatever reasons, i cant eat anything without throwing it all up, i think im making myself sick. And on top of that....everytime Meg and I fight, i always go to bed crying and a lot of the time I get up in the middle of the night and throw up from making myself so upset... *sigh* but i guess this is life, and i deal with it.

hese colors will not change, you change the way I see them
These words will fade when you explain why you hate them
We are the same, oh

She keeps repeating "I bet she needed"
She says she's right here, she seems so distant
Saying goodbye this time the same old story
Seeing you cry, it makes me feel like saying sorry

Just a few last hours we gotta make this count
We're counting backwards


Saying sorry, we've fallen apart
Wish we knew this from the start
Saying goodbyes the hardest part
Wish we knew this from the start

Saying goodbye this time, the same old story
Seeing you cry, it makes me feel like saying sorry


Hawthorne Heights new song, "Saying Sorry", ive had it stuck in my head all day so I just thought I'd share.