urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:em0xskater em0xskater em0xskater 2006-07-06T18:13:17Z urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:em0xskater:5238 2006-07-06T18:13:17Z 2006-07-06T18:13:17Z You can't live to make mistakes <br />When you're dead and gone <br />With your heart held in my hand<br />The memory of your bloodstains <br />All over broken picture frames <br /><br />How could you tell me that I was wrong? <br />When you would have done the same <br />Toy with emotions until they're gone <br />You would have done the same <br /><br />I stole your heart <br />Ripped it out <br />And smashed it on this floor <br />You have no need for such a useless thing <br />Broken, forever more<br /><br />Life after this <br />There's no such thing <br />You replace my thoughts <br />With these painful memories <br />Now you're gone <br />You're 9 feet under <br />To far down to ever uncover <br /><br />Leave it all to me <br />I wont forget about you <br />I'll steal your heart<br /><br /><br /><br />i think thats pretty self explainatory urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:em0xskater:4911 2006-07-06T07:53:03Z 2006-07-06T07:53:03Z its 3:37 am and yet again im still up. i dunno whats wrong with me lately but i cant go to bed early anymore, i just lay in my bed and think about things all night. i really dont have anyone anymore except for a slight few. my best friend of 15 years and i are drifting apart and its a huge thing to deal with cause no one knows me better than he does, but nothing lasts forever, i should of expected it. and ive come to realize how misleading love can be sometimes....i thought i found someone that i could really connect to on a different level, but most of the time its just me doing the connecting. its just like, nothing i do or say is good enough, or its always too much, nothing is ever normal for her, and she knows that. i cant make a person change, ive noticed changing a person is nearly impossible. i want to know what i have to do to make myself a better person for everyone, theres always someone thats not happy with me, im not happy unless the people around me in my life are happy. and maybe its just me being lame, but when i love someone there is a fine line between flat out saying "i love you" and saying "love you" it sounds so fucking petty but for some reason it hurts a lot when i hear that from her, if she can take the time to say love you...why cant she just add in the i? <br /><br />i just want to be good enough for her, and everyone else...cause who iam right now isnt sastifying anyone but myself...and it makes me selfish :-\ urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:em0xskater:1839 2006-02-02T15:31:06Z 2006-02-02T15:31:06Z The Audition this is a bit of a emo entry, so if you dont feel like reading something emo then i advise you to close out now. i always told myself that i wasnt gonna post my personal issues online on some journal site but right now, it seems like its the only way i can get things out without having someone get mad at me. i guess i function differently than most people, my pain just doesnt go away with the snap of fingers, it stays and it elevates the longer it stays. it seems like i'm always the person that people run to when they need something, and i help them out the best i can. but when i need someone, truly need someone.......no one is there to just listen. and listening means stictly that, just listen. dont butt in and tell me your opinion or what you would do, i just want someone to listen to me.......sometimes that cures a lot of pain. it seems like the only time i'm not hurting is when i'm sleeping....or hanging out with my friends. and maybe im pushing people away, if iam, i'm sorry.....thats not what i want to do. but i cant concentrate on someone eles hurt and pain when i don't even understand mine. maybe mine comes from every aspect of life...school, friends, my girlfriend, my family, work, money.......i dont know, and its so hard to figure out. and i'm expected to just open up, and i honestly cant, i have no words to describe how i'm feeling and if i don't understand it, i wont be able to open up. the only thing i find relation in is music. i would seriously be laying dead in a gutter somewhere if it wasnt for music, bc i know no matter what happens in life, thats the one consistant thing that will always be there to make things seem ok. i think i need to take a weekend off, go somewhere, and spend quality time with myself.......to figure myself out, find out why i'm always hurting, what i can do to get rid of it. but i know if i just take off...everyone will be mad at me, so i'll stay here and try to figure things out this way. <br /><br /><br /><br />The crimes I've committed aren't heard by any judge<br />And there are only two in this courtroom and I must confess.<br />What's done is done and I'm not the type that can't be conned into being convinced.<br />We both know this.<br /><br />I should be ashamed of this, I'm not,<br />'Cause I have tasted grapes<br />This smile, don't look<br />It's my bait, my words, the hook<br /><br /><br />These acts of immorality are the only things keeping me quiet<br />Why can't you just accept the fact that I'm only as loyal as my options?<br />I can't believe that you would ever trust me.<br /><br /><br />You could call me a rolling stone<br />'cause I'm always on the road<br />Every night I wonder if you're there alone.<br /><br /><br /><br />pretty much perfect explanation. have a good day, i'm out urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:em0xskater:1543 2006-02-02T06:09:25Z 2006-02-02T06:09:25Z the first thing i wrote about you<br />was in the peak of our friendship<br />and now the last thing im writing about you<br />is at the end of our friendship<br />its amazing the different routes life has in store for us<br />i shared with you, i laughed with you, i cried with you<br />the only friend that showed me loyalty and trust<br />i threw it all away with a lie<br />if you could only know how deep my apologies go<br />if you knew that in the short time we knew each other<br />i felt like you were one of my best friends<br />all the times i shared with you<br />i had never shared with anyone else<br />the times i laughed with you<br />i realized there was a bigger dork out there other than myself<br />and the times i cried with you <br />the comfort was more than i ever recieved from a friend<br />i hope one day you can find the strength to forgive me<br />and if that never happens, thats ok<br />i will always be here for you in time of need<br /><br />*you know who you are urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:em0xskater:1168 2006-01-25T15:27:54Z 2006-01-25T15:27:54Z The Audition im on a mini break from class and i'm bored so i decided id update this bitch, haha. nothing really is going on, today is joes birthday...we were supposed to go out to eat tonight but now i have no idea whats going on. i got him breaking benjamins first cd and then sometime later i have to go get his other present. i cant say what it is now bc i know he read my entries and that would just spoil it, haha. yeah i miss meagan lots right now, and i look way emo today...but thats alright. i have on my new black pants that my mom bought me, a black NFG shirt (meg hates them haha) my black the used zip up hoodie with the hood up, and my black converse with the bottoms of my pants rolled up bc their too damn long, so i look really trendy right now, but i'm hot! haha<br /><br /><br /><br />Who is it tonight, Doctor Jekyll or Mr. Hyde?<br /><br />The bookshelf spins,<br />when I pull the Websters from the third row, <br />second from the right, <br />and this is where the chemicals grow, <br />this is where reactions flow, <br />the dictionary chemical cookbook was meant to hook you into me.<br /><br />Would you please take off your lab coat, kiss me as we roll through every chemical.<br />Would you please put on your dance shoes? 'Cause I'm sick of dancin' alone<br /><br />Two hints lust, then I mix some charm with a dash of wits. <br />Add some good looks and then, close the door and dim the lights. <br />(This will finally be the night)<br />where the dictionary chemical cookbook will finally hook you into me<br /><br />Stolen everything you worked for, <br />love was lost but better to remember, <br />left side, left side suicide<br />Please take off your lab coat and kiss me as we roll, <br />please put on your dance shoes and join me in this waltz.<br /><br /><br />That is my song for the day, everyone should go and download it. "Dance halls turn to ghost towns" by The Audition.<br /><br />I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND! urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:em0xskater:783 2006-01-22T21:57:22Z 2006-01-22T21:57:22Z I never meant for this to happen<br />I never wanted you to hate me<br />But the sun slowly fades away<br />The darkness covers me, a chill goes through my body<br />The weather isn't supposed to be this way<br />It's not supposed to make me cold<br />But then I realize it's not the weather<br /> And I'm just a colder person without you<br /><br />There are sides of me you never saw<br />The sides of me that I never saw<br />Why cant I erase the past <br />The past that has left me scared<br />Moving on is something I could never do<br />Letting go is something I always did<br />And walking away is a normal occurance<br /><br />So if you really want me<br />Then please listen to me when I say<br />Overcoming the way of one lifestyle<br />And adapting to a new life style<br />Is more of a transition than you will ever know<br />But for you, I am making that transition for the first time<br />Please don't make this my last mistake<br /><br /><br />- written by me, its not good but the words just kind of flowed out and i didnt have time to go back and read everything over urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:em0xskater:670 2006-01-22T01:44:57Z 2006-01-22T01:44:57Z Dance Halls Turn To Ghost towns - The Auditon It's 8:40 and i'm bored off my ass. i just got done emailing meg and now im sitting here doing nothing but writing in here and listening to Acceptance. i had to work today 7:30-4, blah, it was a long day and tomorrow is going to be a even longer day...sundays are always slow. <br /><br />It seems that lately I can never do anything good enough, and the things I do, can always be done better :-\ I don't know....maybe I just need to change to make everyone happy...and not worry about making myself happy. im not getting any sleep at night for whatever reasons, i cant eat anything without throwing it all up, i think im making myself sick. And on top of that....everytime Meg and I fight, i always go to bed crying and a lot of the time I get up in the middle of the night and throw up from making myself so upset... *sigh* but i guess this is life, and i deal with it. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:em0xskater:506 2006-01-20T15:43:03Z 2006-01-20T15:43:03Z hese colors will not change, you change the way I see them<br />These words will fade when you explain why you hate them<br />We are the same, oh<br /><br />She keeps repeating "I bet she needed"<br />She says she's right here, she seems so distant<br />Saying goodbye this time the same old story<br />Seeing you cry, it makes me feel like saying sorry<br /><br />Just a few last hours we gotta make this count<br />We're counting backwards<br /><br /><br />Saying sorry, we've fallen apart<br />Wish we knew this from the start<br />Saying goodbyes the hardest part<br />Wish we knew this from the start<br /><br />Saying goodbye this time, the same old story<br />Seeing you cry, it makes me feel like saying sorry<br /><br /><br />Hawthorne Heights new song, "Saying Sorry", ive had it stuck in my head all day so I just thought I'd share.